I guess it never stops does it?!?! Of course I know the answer to that-- Silly! My growth never stops, whether I am in human form or not. I feel so advanced in some areas and such a baby in other areas. I am guessing others feel this way too...at least from the feedback that I have gotten over the years. Not that it matters to me. I could be the only one on the planet that feels this way and I won't tell myself it is wrong for feeling this way. It is how I currently feel about certain areas of my life. This post may come across as victimy, but that doesn't concern me either. I am sharing my deepest thoughts surrounding this topic.
This has been the hardest post to write thus far. I have found myself putting it off for days now. The very fact that I am sharing with you about vulnerability is feeling very vulnerable. HA! I am also feeling a very stronger push to share with you as it will help me process what I am feeling and going through surrounding vulnerability. Lots of the "V" word going on right now! HA! HA! ON....WE....GO....
Through this transition I have been going through, I have felt the whole gamut of emotions. Being with the flow has been quite a ride! One thing I have definitely noticed with feeling raw, exposed and ripped wide open, is that I have been in a pretty vulnerable place. I am ok with being in that tender place, however, what I am not ok with is someone kicking me when I am in this space. Twice. Maybe even more times but two are sticking out in my mind. The person that has done this is one that has been close to me. It's pretty fucked up from my perspective. Do they realize they are doing it? Maybe, maybe not.
They have claimed it's their truth. Could very well have been, however, the timing they had was impeccable. The two times they did this, it was perfect timing when I was 100% raw, open and sobbing. Not closed off at all. Again, they said it was their truth, but not mine and in one case, it was supposedly about me but really had nothing to do with me. As I said before, Fucked Up! What is even more interesting is then they kicked me to the curb. Not the other way around. The told me to pound sand in a "fluff" way. For the most bizarre excuse I have ever heard. How does that work?
Wow, pretty selfish. Have I ever been selfish like this? Quite possible, however, I now know that I won't do that to anyone as I continue along my journey. I am not going to analyze where I could have done that in my life and beat myself up for it. It is hard not to take that shit personally. Logically, I KNOW it had NOTHING to do with me. Emotionally, (maybe you could say my little girl inside) Is hurt by those actions.
I am now left reeling. What the hell just happened? Trying not to analyze the situation is really tough. Especially when I feel hurt about the whole situation. I am here to pick up my own pieces. Which, for the first time in my life, feels really good to rely on myself for this. I am learning to process the emotions in a different way too. Different than I ever have before. There are lots of things that are rolling through my head right now. One for example, how do you allow yourself to be open, vulnerable and trust knowing that could potentially happen again? I know, I know, that's an age old question and why most people close their hearts off. That's not what I want to do. I know it shuts us off from love when we do that.
This is where I come to the conclusion of boundaries and trusting myself. I can always be wide open with myself and trust me. I am the only person I need that love from. I can and will set boundaries with everyone who is in my life currently and who will be coming into my life in the future. This also comes back to me trusting myself enough to know when my boundaries have been breached and then act on my behalf. I do realize that I am not doing this alone either. I have Michelle ( my Higher Self, see previous blog posts where I go into detail about her) with me. She is my number one fan. She is guiding me through all of this. I am so grateful that I have the connection with her.
I also feel waves of connection from the angelic realm. Yahoo! Most of my peeps are not in human form. I am becoming comfortable with this. For most of my life I have looked to others in the physical for that connection, when in fact, those aren't my true Soul Family. Is there a connection with those I have come in contact with? Of course! It doesn't mean they are my family.
I am also working on closure within myself. I don't know if there will ever be closure in the physical. I am working on finding that peace within me to be ok with not getting that chance to speak my truth. If I get to, great! I am not expecting or even anticipating the chance. There have been many instances that I have not been able to have closure for various reasons. My humaness wants to be able to voice it, and my knowing says, it is all energy and it will get to them regardless of whether it is face to face or over the phone.
Finally, I am journeying towards peace within myself. Thank you so much for reading as I go through this process. Maybe you can relate, maybe not, but at the very least you can gain the awareness that this goes on, even with awakened beings. Hopefully we will all wake up out of this eventually.
Until next time...
Have you ever felt like you have stepped into the twilight zone? That the more you step into your day, the more bizarre events get? That is how the last 72 hours of my life have been. I have stepped into the bizzarro zone. I have had unexpected and unfathomable events just happen. I have been trying to wrap my head around the events and that is leading me to crazy town. HA! HA! HA!
I would have to say I have been feeling a gamut of emotions. I have been mostly in shock though....even though my intuition has told me(Thank you Michelle!) that things were going to change, it was just unexpected this soon. And in the way it went down. As I am feeling the gamut, from shock and disbelief, to sadness and anger, I also have this calmness, strength and excitement. Like I said, the whole gamut. Is most of it uncomfortable? YES! Of course the calmness, strength and excitement feels good. I am ok to feeling all of them. I am cleaning house from the inside out.
A friend likened my life right now to the spin cycle of a washing machine. I really like that analogy, because that is how it has felt. My response was, "Oh yeah! It's so efficient at spinning that the clothes are coming out dry and it may even iron them for me!" HA! HA! Can you relate? There has to be lyrics to a song in that one.
The spin cycle (to me) is representation of getting rid of what is no longer me. Maybe it is pieces of me that are being spun out, however, they no longer serve a purpose. They are just the pieces that did their time and are no longer necessary as I am growing. Are they parts of others projections? Quite possible. Are they just parts of me that I had created along the way? Highly likely. It doesn't really matter to me where they came from. I like the idea that I am vibrating at a higher vibration and those pieces can't stay at this vibration. Makes sense, but who knows?
Back to the bizarre and unexpected. That seems to be the norm right now in my life. I don't need to know if it will always be this way. I also don't need to know if I will always have upheaval like I have been having for the last 6 weeks. I am letting go of the need to know. The need to know does cause some pain for me. So I am letting go of the analyzing and trying to figure out the why. The queen analyzer is retiring. Hee! Hee! It is definitely a work in process. I am retraining the brain. Analyzing and "figuring it all out" is going bye-bye. So feel free to remind me of that when I start analyzing the crap out of things. ;-)
**I share all of these experiences for a couple of reasons. It does help me process what I am going through. However, I also share because maybe, just maybe, it gives someone comfort or insight into their experiences. That maybe they can relate and find peace in knowing they aren't alone. Well...you aren't alone. Ever. Thank you for reading and being the awesome person that you are.
Until next time...
The calm between storms. PHEW! Not quite a spring break but I will take it! This calm between the storms is providing the space to integrate all of the spaciousness that has been created within me. Yes, spaciousness. I have felt a lot of old, old programming, emotions and energies that have been clearing with all of the experiences I have been going through. What I am cognizant of is to allow myself to feel the "emptiness." The emptiness really isn't empty at all. It is light and freeing. It is however, easy to fill the spaces back up with emotions that I have been used to feeling within my system. I am working on that. I have had some of those emotions for a long time. Hence, the old stuff coming up. I haven't met one soul who doesn't have old buried emotions. It is how we have been taught by society, our parents, etc. To stuff!!!!
I don't dig for those old emotions though. Geez, if I would do that, there would always be something to find. I would be forever in the state that I have been in without a break. Ever. I do allow those emotions to rise when they want to and allow myself to feel them when they do. No more suppression for this gal. All that leads to is pain and suffering. BLECH. I am SOOOOOOOO over that! HA! HA! Seriously though, I can sometimes fall into the trap of the subtle judgement of myself.
What is subtle judgement? Self judgement is the state where you have done so much work on the head trash, you notice where you beat yourself up on things, etc. That is the precursor to subtle judgement. What happens after the self judgement gets called on? It gets nicer. Yep. It uses nicer sayings and more empowering words so that you won't pick up on it as easily. Clever. That is what I call the subtle judgement. So subtle, yet just as powerful as the blatant self judgement. It slowly eats at your foundation, your confidence, your strength. It is much harder to catch. The reason I am sharing this with you is because it can happen to all of us. Not just me. I am noticing it especially as I am in this calm between the storms.
The subtle judgements are attempting to get louder. The fake nicey-nice is getting cranky because I am not falling for it's B.S. HA! HA! HA! They really could take over my entire thoughts if I let them. You may be asking at this point, "How do you catch the buggers?" What a fabulous question! I wish I had a straight answer of, "I do this" exact protocol. But then, that would be in a box, wouldn't it?!?!?! I am so freaking smart that I can't use the same things all of the time. I have to switch it up because I get wise to myself. What may work on one day may not work the next, but will work at another time down the road. One of the tools I use is, having a conversation with myself. Acknowledging what the S.J. is saying. I have tried the road of, "oh I will just ignore the voice until it goes away." Yeah.....that doesn't work. Just like a child trying to get their parents attention, so will the S.J. get louder and louder until you address it. So I have a conversation and let it know that I got this. I hear you and I got this.
There are other tools I do use, like saying I love you! Acknowledge the judgement with powerful statements like "Wow! I rocked that judgement!" HA! I feel there are endless ways that I can change it up to work with the subtle judgements. Will I keep them guessing so much that they will go away? Well shit....that's my intention! :-) The thing that I am taking from this right now is...there is no one way to do something. Do something that works for you. If it doesn't feel like it's working, then change it up. Don't keep doing the same thing over and over again and expect the same results. It becomes a habit and the buggers catch on to that quick! I guess the work doesn't stop between storms, it just isn't as intense.
Until next time...
Hubadahubadahubada! It feels like I am struggling to get a foot hold these days. "Wait," You may be thinking. "How could you possibly advertise your business and work with me if you are going through so much? How could I benefit?" I will share with you that even though I feel like I may be struggling to get a foot hold, I can feel my gifts are even more present. My ability to be the Divine Love Conduit is even stronger than it ever has been. I also have the innate ability to have my journey not interfere with your journey or our sessions. If at any time I feel that I am not in a space where I can share my gifts with you,(In other words, deep in my stuff) I will reschedule a session. I am completely dedicated to being in the best service for you and your growth, and my own self-care is one of the biggest honors in that process so I can provide you the best space for your transformation. With my first truth of this post, on we go!
I have been talking about being real with myself. I have talked about being in my power and speaking my truth. With everything that has been shaken up in my world ( to put mildly) it is easy to question my truth. What is it? What is my truth? Especially when I have been unraveling most things that I have been taught...what really is my truth? What I find really interesting is all of us( the all of us that I have met up to this point)...me included, up until the moment I am typing this..are quick to tell our truths about how we perceive other's journeys. Quick to tell them and it usually sounds like we are telling them what to do. Especially when we are getting an intuitive hit on things. *I get that not everyone does and not all of the time.
A great reminder (I am reminding myself here!), is that no matter WHO they are(or I am), it is coming through their(my) filter. Even the purest of intention sees it only through their perception...no matter how advanced they are as a soul. It is just the way that I see it right now. Which is why I need that reminder occasionally. I do admit, almost my whole life I have looked outside of myself for answers because somewhere along the way I believed that I didn't have my answers and didn't know the truths. I would say in some areas of my life. There are other areas of my life that my trust in my intuition has always been solid. So when someone tells me their truth about my life, my insecurities rear their ugly heads and I doubt my truths. WTF...I tell ya...that can be one of the most uncomfortable places to be. Being in the place of self doubt. I feel like I am Dr. Jekyll and Ms. Hyde when it comes to feeling confident and feeling insecure. I bounce back forth between the extremes.
It can be especially tough when you feel like you are on quicksand, struggling to get that foothold and then someone with good intentions gives you something that they intuited about your life that you didn't necessarily ask for. Yep, that just happened. The last foothold I have. The last stable thing in my life(as much as anything can really be stable) was now challenged. Compromised. Where do I turn? Where can I look? What can I even float on? Even if it is temporary? This is when the full fledged fight or flight comes into play. The basic survival mechanisms get set into motion and every cell in my body is on high alert. The more I struggle, the more I find that I am sinking deeper into the quicksand, until just my head is above the ground. How do I possibly get out of this situation? Do I even want to get out at this point or just let it consume me? And that is when the quiet, yet powerful, strong and all knowing voice says, "I say what is so."
Oh yes! I heard that over the super loud chatter I affectionately call my Monkey Brain. You know the one that sounds like "Ooooh! Ooooh! Ahhh! Ahhh!" Ha! Ha! Ha! (I literally laughed out loud typing that.) I am listening now! The voice is a little louder now. "I say what is so." It feels like a powerful lightening bolt has just coursed through my body, igniting every cell in my truth of that statement. I say what is so in my life. I say when I am in my power. I say when I am in my truth. I say who is in my life. I say who I am to work with. I say what gifts I will use and how I will use them. I say where I live. I say what is so. No one else. I can butt up against the matrix right now and say that there is no such thing as free will and you really don't have the choice in saying what is so. Here is my rebuttal to that...If I am God, here experiencing for God, then of course I say what is so because I am that powerful and I can change anytime line, any perceived outcomes, ANYTHING... We can all put that in our pipes and smoke it!(definitely me!) HA! HA! HA!
That 5 word statement changed my life last night and especially this morning. How simplistic yet so powerful. I say what is so. I am going to add that statement to my list of tattoos I am going to get. Yep. You read that correctly. The LIST of tattoos. Hehehehe! My maniacal laughter! To me, that statement is REAL. It's not sugar coated in spiritual paradigms. It brings me really present in my body, present in my connection with Michelle, with the Divine, with everything. *BIG SIGH* of relief. Even if it is only a statement to feel my confidence again, to feel like I am in charge of my life. Not saying I have my hands on the reigns, because I am the reigns. I am the flow of life. Bam! There is another lightening bolt through my system. I'm feeling the super charge of life with that one! HA! may you find your super charge today if you feel you need one.
Until next time...
Well, it has been one heck of a journey I have been on lately. If you have followed, my most recent experiences have been about standing in my power and speaking my truth. As tough as it has been at times, I have definitely grown from the experiences. This is not what I am here to talk about today. I want to share with recent experiences to the best of my ability.
These experiences that I have had in the last couple of days are for the record books. The first experience I want to share is being in all dimensions at once. Yes, you did read that correctly. Consciously being in all dimensions at once. It is hard to describe what I saw and felt. I saw all colors of the spectrum, everything was moving not in a way that we move in this dimension. I had to grab on to my head which brought me back fully into my body (took a little bit). The experience happened in a matter of seconds and the only reason why I even came out of the experience is because I have to admit that I got a little freaked out. It happened to me one other time about a year ago, although did show up slightly different. Probably because I was a different person at that time. It feels like the energetics of the universe right now are giving us easier access to our abilities and gifts.
The second experience was like the energies were moving so fast through me that it felt like wave after wave was washing away my foundation....foundation of even more of what I thought I knew was left. Now there is nothing. It feels like nothing is left. What I got from that experience is to allow it to wash. I was trying to hold on to things. Things that I thought had to be an EITHER OR, not both. Let it wash you and cleanse you. I kept having to remind myself of that. I'm going to continue to be real with you too. It was quite painful. I would have to say because I was holding on for dear life, like I wasn't going to make it. I was going to drown. The pain was almost unbearable. Stepping off this merry - go - round sounded like a good option. When I allowed myself to let go of the reigns and trust that what will stay, will stay, then it became easier. I was feeling like I got hit by a fucking freight train today to put it mildly.
The Universe is always moving forward and feels like it is in a big way right now. I am yet humbled by the power, beauty and rawness of it all. At least I am not in the pain that I was in this morning or yesterday. The only word I could get out was that it was uncomfortable. More like heart-wrenching and gut-wrenching. Speaking of gut...Through this my appetite has changed too. It is really being in alignment with eating clean. Mind you, I have been a clean eater for a while, but now even cleaner then I ever have been before. If I even feel up to eating. with everything that has been going on as of late, my stomach has been shrinking and on the tad upset side. Any food that I am interested in is not in my house. Go figure. Today was definitely not a day that I ventured out and about. Hell, I didn't even get off the couch much. Yes, it has been one of those days as you can read.
What am I taking away from these experiences? To let go of the reigns...maybe even cut off my hands so I can't grab them. HA! HA! The Universe is moving forward and bringing me into alignment with my purpose. ( I sure hope that's what all of this shit is about!) Also, that I will be able to see multi-dimensional stuff more often. (Cool Huh!?!?!) I have already recognized when I come and go from my body with how it vibrates. Yes, I am talking about Lucid Dreaming and Astral Travel. I am feeling into the vibrations of everything more than I ever have before. I am still tender, and I am hoping it will begin to be a little gentler with me. With all that I have shared this evening, I am almost shocked that I can say...LET'S DO THIS!
Until next time...
Hallelujah! I have gotten a 1/2 day of a breather today! Thank you! Thank you! Not only am I getting a breather right now, I feel sooooo relieved. I stood in my power and eliminated the spiritual bully in my life! WOOHOO! Doing a dance right now with the computer!
You may be asking, "Nicole, what are you doing with your day of rest?" You have guessed it, resting. Ha! Ha! I am also reflecting on the week and it's been one hell of a week! I have also been working on the content of my website. Stay tuned for the update.
A short and and sweet blog post today. I just wanted to let you know I am alive, I survived, and I am resting. I will post more soon.
It may seem that I am doing a lot of complaining in these last blog posts. If you have clicked on any of my posts prior to my Be Real journey, you most likely noticed that most of it was teaching, light-hearted, about self-love, spirituality, etc. If you see it as complaining, then please feel free to stop reading them at any time. This is about me being real with me and you getting a glimpse into my journey. This is not about you in any way, unless you are the one's I am talking about. Maybe you will be able to relate to my journey, thinking, "My gosh! I have felt that too!". Maybe you just enjoy how I write, or maybe its for another reason all together. I have long fluffed my world and words so as to not offend. I am not doing that here. I will tell you this much. I am filtering a tad because if I didn't you would be reading the F word about every other word right now and that's not fun to read! :-) Here we go today. It's been brutal.
"Everyone's pointing their fingers. Always condemning me, And nobody knows what I believe!" Great lyrics to a song I am very connected to right now. That line resonates with my life at the moment. I feel like I have been a punching bag as of late. People assuming the shit out of who they think I am and should be and put their expectations on me. When I don't meet those expectations then they dump all over me. That's how my day started yesterday. WTF! I guess I really wasn't kidding when I said that I want a breather. A day would be more fabulous than an all expense paid trip to Hawaii. Although...a breather and an all expense paid trip would be outstanding! :-) Thank goodness I still have my sense of humor.
Seriously though. I guess I am strong enough for this shit but come on Universe! Enough already! I am not one that is a big supporter of the whole Law of Attraction concept. I have found that it is just another way to judge myself and have others judge me. After the experience that I had yesterday...there is absolutely no way that it was a complete mirror of what is inside me. No fucking way. I get that Michelle has a role in all of this, however, I had to have a conversation with one of the biggest Spiritual Bullies I have ever met. I said this before and I will say it again now. I AM DONE with the spiritual bullshit. I was told I am not spiritual enough by someone who doesn't know anything about me. Here's the damn theme again of standing in my power and speaking my truth. Let's talk more in depth about the spiritual bullshit again.
Let me just say that I feel more alive and spiritual than I have in a very long time. The fact that I have let go all of the spiritual should's and should not's makes me feel more connected to Michelle and the Divine. More than any spiritual practice I have ever followed. The human practice. That is what I see as being more connected with God than any practice I have ever come across. We are God. We are the individual expression of God. Hmmmm...but I am not spiritual enough. FUCK OFF. Go bully someone else who will be intimidated by your madness! It's down right silliness. The funny thing that has happened with the spiritual bullies I am talking about today is I accept them for who they are. I don't say they aren't spiritual enough. If they come into my life I do have boundaries and standards. Like this one: I won't be treated like shit because I don't fit into how you think I should be.
Here is the best part that I realized today. I used to network quite a bit with my business and be extremely nervous sharing what it was that I do (especially because I struggled with words for it). Even before my business I wouldn't really talk about my gifts because of getting made fun of, stoned, burned at the stake, etc. In the networking world, it was mostly mainstream business owners like plumbers, electricians, real estate, with the occasional massage therapists, chiropractors, and counselors. This is the hilarious part....are you ready for it?
The mainstreamers aren't the ones that have ever judged me! If they have, of course it was behind my back. It's the spiritual, supposed - to - be -your- comrades that have judged me. Hard Core to my face. Well, I guess you could look at it as they are doing it to your face Nicole. Yeah, talking shit about me and to me, all of the while nailing me to the cross. Crazy mother fuckers! Somehow they wrap it up in a spiritual package and call it speaking their truth. Feel free to add a WTF with me here. And they wonder why I can come off as a hard ass.
Sometimes I am told that I come off as a bitch at first, I am a hard ass at first. Guess what? I am upfront with you at the get go of where I stand with things. If you don't like it, there is the fucking door. Don't let it hit you in the ass. Or let it if you choose. It's your choice. That is what it comes down to. If you don't like how I am and how I stand for things I am passionate about, you have the choice to stay and honor that-- or you can go. The choice I will make for you is when you try to stay and change me to fit your rules--then you will go. End of story. I have spent too much of my life being in relationships with people who haven't honored me and try to make me be what they think is appropriate in this world. What does that ultimately come down to?
Me not honoring me. Me not loving me for who I am. I posted quite a few times in my blog prior to Be Real, about no matter who you are, you can love yourself more. I am really exposing how I can love myself more. Through all of this brutal growth, this in your face until you change it, I am honoring me. As wave, after wave, after wave, after wave pummels me into the surf and sand to where I can hardly catch my breath, I am forced to stand up even as the water feels over my head. I am forced to stand up for ME. For Michelle. For Nicole. For the little one that was continually told as a child to not be who she was. So what if the curse words come out? So what if people get pissed off or hurt? I need to honor all of me first. I am not out to blatantly attack someone, but I will stand up to ANYONE that tries to hurt, poke, trample or bulldoze any part of me and anyone I love. I will say it again. I AM DONE with the spiritual bullshit. And....now I am going to go there.
*Start Mild Rant*
In the spiritual world, the one where they are open to all religions, beliefs, the oneness, Source, Creator, etc., being in a box of organized religion is frowned upon. Not outwardly mind you. They talk a lot about the judgement of religions, fear based, etc. YET....that is the very same thing they are doing!!! "Oh I have to put up my protective light shield against any negative dark energy. I need to put on my crystals to protect me from the Jesus loving people that think I am sinning. What do they know? They believe in Jesus for goodness sakes! What did you do to create the cancer in your body? What Karma did you bring into this life to cause the abuse? You have only had 180 lives? Well, you are such a baby!" Shall I continue? Have you gotten my point? This all carries and does the same thing as far as I am concerned. It keeps us from being in our power. It keeps us looking for answers and power outside of us. So fuck all of that shit!
*End Mild Rant* ( I think the whole thing has been a rant ;-) )
Again, the more I am feeling all of the craziness that is called my life right now, the more I am understanding what true spirituality is. It's not to transcend the human experience. It's not to take the perspective of being above any human suffering, emotion, physical aspect, religion, person, animal, plant, species, and planet. It's to fully embrace them and move forward with all of it. Move forward with all of it in you. For it is in you. That is the oneness. So right now if anyone is trying to tell me I am not spiritual because I am no longer using the fluff....well...you can pound the sand next to the nice mound of sand I am standing on. It will do nothing to my glorious mound.
Stay tuned for more.
Can I get a chance to breathe? Oh yes! That's right....I am supposed to breathe through whatever I am going through. How about a day off? No? An hour off? No? Well for shit's sake, I hope the next level I am growing into gives me at least a spring break.
Yes! You have probably guessed it by now that this is how my day is going. It's one hella transformational journey I am on right now. The Universe, my higher self, whomever is saying LOOK AT THIS NICOLE AND ADDRESS IT.
What is "this"? It is the theme that has been showing up for a while in my life. The theme that has broken all of my resistance to it. The theme that has shredded me from the inside. The very same theme that has humbled and angered the piss out of me at the same time. It is the theme of standing in my power and speaking my truth no matter what or who is thrown my way. Just when I thought, "ok, I got that I am to address this and I am doing the best I can in every moment." Well............(that gets extra dots for that one) Not enough Nicole. It's going to show up hourly and "in your face" until it becomes your breath. You will be doing this in every moment as easily as you take those breaths of life. Wow. Again I am humbled, ripped wide open and exposed. Let's also rub some salt in that wound shall we? Sheesh.
I will say this. Even in my WTF? state, I can still see the theme that the experiences and events are showing me. It is what I have asked for in a way. Of course I wish it would show up in a convenient and gentle way, but then I would take a lot longer to integrate the experience wouldn't I? Most likely. I needed the tire iron to the face approach for this one. I thought I was doing so great with it!!! "Nope," My Higher Self said. (Whom I affectionately call Michelle, which is a story for another day) Not that I consider Michelle a meanie by any means, but she knows what is aligning us with our true calling, our Divine path and essence. You might be asking at this point, "What is that Nicole? What is your true calling?" Let's not get impatient with me here....when I know...you will know....I am typing this to you as I am saying it to myself to remind me to BREATHE and be patient.
Maybe at this point I can put some pieces of the puzzle known as my life together. Maybe that's a way to see my true calling? Who knows. This is what I know of me. I have wanted to be on stage and in front of a huge audience since I was a little girl. I told my dad that I wanted to be a rock star which meant a singer in my heart. Being the sensitive soul that I am, he made a joke about that and I shut down. I wouldn't sing until I became an adult. I still feel the pull and the power to be on stage to this day, and to help others become the best version of themselves.
I have been a sports coach, personal trainer, manager, inspirational speaker, healer, etc., to help fulfill that drive of sharing my energy with the world. Yeah, yeah, I know, Life is a stage. Then why is it in my fingerprints (which we are born with and don't ever change) that I am in service, a healer and play a Zeus role on this planet? Is it that I am to be a singer? Straight up healer? Not everyone is supposed to be leading and on stage, however, if you think of the whole role Zeus plays in the stories, he was the God of Gods. He governed and ruled so that others could govern and rule( let's skip over the many women, infidelity etc. I am talking about the big picture role). I am not saying that I am to rule over anyone either. What I take from it is that my role is way different than attending to the minute details of whatever is going on. I support the ones that excel with the minute details.
I have examples of Zeus' in their power. I have a dear friend that is a powerful Zeus healer through singing and music. Another, whom I haven't met yet, is one of the most powerful healers through his singing that I have ever known. Several non-musical Zeus' are Oprah, Panache Desai, and Matt Kahn. I admire them. I admire that they are standing in their Zeus power. I am looking forward to being able to be on stage in some form, standing in my Zeus power and fully being in service to the entire planet.
Maybe it's being a hands on healer? I know I excel at that too. I don't know if that would get my on my stage. Do I have to be hands on? No, I don't. However, I haven't been able to express what it is that I do because there is a language barrier. There are only a few syllables and words that we use in this reality. I speak and hear in energy and vibration that is infinite. There is a huge gap that I haven't been able to find the bridge, zip line or hang glider to get to the other side to reach others that don't hear and speak in energy and vibration.
Is it the intuitive abilities that I have? Maybe. That definitely goes hand-in-hand with the healing portion of my gifts and the empathic part too. It hasn't seemed to work the way I have been trying to go about expressing my gifts and sharing them with the world so far. Which, to me, is saying that it is different than how you are trying it to fit in a mold. What mold you may ask? Well...back to my first post of what others have said about energy, healing, everything. Also, the mold that I have put around the everything. Michelle is helping me break through those barriers. recognizing the mold isn't even there if I stop looking. If I just trust. If I breathe in life. If I allow the rebel to come out. If I allow the playfulness to come out.(I rarely have problems with playing anymore) If I stand in my POWER. If I embrace the beautiful masterpiece in the making that is ME.
What I know is this, I will continually embrace each experience as it arises to the best of my ability. I will deepen the connection with Michelle. I will stand in my power and speak my truth no matter how uncomfortable I feel. Also, no matter how someone takes what my truth is, I will continually embrace ME authentically. That is all I can definitely say that I know. HA!
So here I go with the rest of my day....standing in my power, speaking my truth, and BREATHING ME IN!
Stay tuned for my next post.
This is where I put the things that the Divine wants me to share at this time. :-)
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