Flip the freaking switch. Yes! That is what happened with me since my last post. A switch was flipped and there is no turning back. The light bulb is on! I am coming home! ....You may be thinking I have finally lost it. It is a possiblity. :-)
Some people say that it's because of the astrology that is going on as to why things happen in our lives. Or the other various lists of external things that cause energies to shift in our lives. Blah. Blah. Fucking blah. Don't get me wrong, I do enjoy looking at the different astrological aspects that are going on through out the year. However, if we are the Divine Expression as well as the planets, cosmos, etc, are the Divine Expression, then saying those things are controlling our energy is yet another way we can keep ourselves small, look externally for answers, and that their energies are stronger than we are(yet we are an expression just like they are)....right? RIGHT...Did you ever stop to think about what our energies do to them? HA! It's a great way to keep us from being present with our life as it is in this moment.
Regardless of what you believe, I flipped a freaking switch last week. I went from having feelings of being a failure(yes, they still flop in occasionally, especially since a "friend" loved to point out my flaws) to being so at peace and comfort in my own skin that I won another round of a speech contest I am involved in. The funny thing is I stepped into the speech contest program to get out of my comfort zone and I stepped into my comfort zone and greatness. The winning is a by product and has never been the goal. HOW COOL IS THAT?!?!?!?!?!?!
The switch was, that I am complete with putting so much weight on others opinions of things--especially my life. I am feeling "no one can meet you where you need them to", on a deep level. Only I can give myself the Love, support and emotional nourishment I need. If I try to get them to say, do or be the right things, in my mind or otherwise, then I am not in alignment with life and how it really is. I create my own suffering by trying to fit them in my expectations and molds of them saying or doing the "right things." That is delusional. No one can give me the support I need. Only me and all of the aspects of me. :-)
Pretty profound isn't it?!?! This isn't anything new to me. I have been talking about this for months/years. It's just now I feel it on a deeper level. Will I feel it on an even deeper level than I am now? Most likely. It's never ending, since consciousness is never ending, so....
This, my friends, is yet another way to deepen the connection with our true essence; Love. To be human is spiritual. To recognize that our needs are met within first and our external world will then give us support in other ways, is Self Love or what I like to call Self-Full Living. As always, I share with you in the knowledge that it will bring peace and comfort to at least one person. Keep on keepin' on my friends.
Until next time....
It feels like I have died another death. You can look at it from the perspective of another awakening. I have had yet another awakening. I feel that they go hand - in - hand. As we wake up out of some belief, etc., it's also a death to the old way of being with that belief. Death has such a negative conotation in our society. Death is nothing more than a transmutation of our energies, no matter which way you talk about death.
I personally feel that I have awakenings everyday. This one that I am talking about however, felt like a death. A surrender, and not in the way I have "envisioned" surrender. I will attempt to describe it for you the best that I can. Words....HA!
I have always pictured surrender as "letting go." In a way it is, however, it's even more simplistic than that. I mean....how do you let go when you don't even know what to let go? I remember in the spring I wanted to let go all of it. I felt the need/want to surrender. I had no idea how to do it. Yep. Maybe you have gotten that I was trying to "do" it. That's partly true that I was trying to do and not be. However, what happened for me last week, is surrendering to what I Am Not.
Yes. You did read that correctly. I surrendered to what I Am Not. The catalyst for this was most likely everything that has been happening in my life in the last several months. The final trigger could have been a re-acquaintance of a friend. In the conversation I perceived them pointing out my flaws. It sure the fuck felt like it. Shit-on-a-stick. Enough already right?!?!?! Well my little Leeever...awww my poor little liver!...woke me up in the middle of the night to say, "Hey! How about we chew on this right now?!" So I did. I allowed the brain to chew.
What I also did was put on a replay of an interview that was recorded earlier in the day about the current energies. With what my mind wanted to chew on, I had a hard time listening to the words and what they were saying. The coolest thing that I did in that moment was to connect with their energy instead of focusing on their words. When I did that for not very long, I heard the words, "Everything you think you are, you are NOT. " That line kept repeating in my head. They were NOT words that were being spoken on the interview. I could feel into the energy of the words and felt clarity. WOAH.
When I was feeling those words, I was feeling and seeing with my third eye my DNA shifting. SWEET! I just stayed with it. It was during that time I got the awareness that this is what surrendering and letting go of everything was about. It felt like, what little I had left to stand on is now gone. See-ya lata' Alligata'! Now What?
I reached out for support. I talked with my husband about it, who is so supportive, but even more wild, I reached out to one of my mentors. A teacher that I really resonate with and signed up for his September support program. Oh...surprise, surprise, all the support is around everything I have been experiencing. OF COURSE! HA! HA! :-) THANK YOU! More layers have just been shed and more of me is here to express. I am so grateful that we all are here to support each other in different capacities. I am also grateful that I turned to my mentor for support. YAHOO!
That is the best way I can describe what happened last week. It could very well be different for everyone--Surrender, Death and Awakening. I am sharing my experience so maybe it can help someone integrate their Soul into every day living too. Here I go moving forward, yet being all the more present in the moment....
Until next time....
This is where I put the things that the Divine wants me to share at this time. :-)
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