Blog, Poems, Teachings
A place to record all of the above.
A place to record all of the above.
Do you have a garden? Or have had one in your past? Regardless if you have one or not, I am sure you probably know what happens when you plant a seed. It can grow (or not). The more you nurture it by watering it, fertilizing it, and showing it love, it will grow. The same thing can happen in our minds. A thought can be planted. We can be the gardener planting the seed or someone else could plant the seed. When someone else is doing the planting, just what kind of thought seed is being planted?
That's a really good question isn't it? How often does that happen in the world? I say pretty darn often. The media, parents, siblings, family, friends, politicans, doctors, preachers, thought leaders, spiritual gurus, actors, sports players, etc. The list could go on right? We are all planting seeds for each other....right?
Right. We are. Which ones do you nourish?
I am bringing this up because I am noticing a pattern within myself. I latch onto certain seeds that were planted by others that I cannot seem to let go. I am nourishing them when I don't want to be. There are two in particular that I seem to be unable to let go, even though I know they aren't my truth. They are especially brought up when I am feeling peace in my mind, body and spirit. The confrontational ego (yep...I am calling it that right now) likes to throw those seeds (thoughts) that aren't mine in to my thoughts. My body has a fight or flight reaction with the one. The other one brings the train of mind chatter that I must be doing something wrong..blah...blah...blah...and I start feeling my energy go down. Two very different reactions, however, the end result is the same.
They make me doubt myself. Do you ever have this happen? It really is maddening. I spend several hours a day talking to myself and reminding myself that they were seeds planted by others and not by me. They are not my truth. If they are at some point my truth, then my Michelle (my knowing, higher self) will let me know. When my knowing tells me things, I don't have reactions like that. I have to remind myself of that too. I feel like I am having a constant battle going on regarding this in my head right now.
This battle is very tiring and got old a very long time ago. These two seeds are just recent examples of the many battles I have faced over the years. I have had battles over things doctors have said that weren't my truth. Things, bosses, co-workers, friends, parents, etc., etc., etc., have said to me. It's beyond fucking old. Enough already! It's time for this merry-go-round to stop.
You may be asking how the seeds got planted in the first place?!?! They were planted by two different people that were the closest to me. The one I tended to trust their intuition before my own. The other one I didn't trust their intuition more than my own, but valued their opinion. As a matter of fact, I valued both of their opinions tremendously. Too much I would say. They both had their set of the crazies that came into play. AND...........IT'S NOT THEIR FUCKING LIFE!
*Start Reminders and Rant*
This is my life, I can live it however I want. It doesn't matter what their "intuition" is telling them. It is My FUCKING life! I say what is so. (yep, I am back to this....or should I say it has never fully left...ugh) There is no right or wrong way to live my life. I don't need to question my every move and wonder if it will meet up to someone else's standards. This is my life and I don't give a fuck if no one else understands why I do what I do, when I do it, or how I do it. Don't be a part of my life if you can't support me without interjecting your bullshit.
*End Reminders and Rant*
That ended up being more of a rant. HA! Oh well. It needed to come out. This is such a great reminder for me and for others. When you are going to plant a seed in someone's garden, check and see if you are in a place of love or at least neutrality when you are doing it. As I typed that sentence, this popped in. The felt like they were in that space. I can tell you that neither one of them were in that space. They may have thought they were, however, they weren't. The one was in a place of hurt and the other was trying to get me out of their life.
Back to the point of why I am trying to nourish those non-truths. The seed that aren't mine get nourished by my self- doubts and insecurities. I would have to say it comes back to my fully loving me. Loving myself, and my insecurities. That is how I can nourish my truth seeds. The only person who can get me through this is me. Can I have support along the way? Yes! Of course! We aren't meant to do this alone. However, the number one person I still need to turn to is Michelle and any of my peeps that arent in human form at this time. Also, to take those baby steps. It is good for me to have patience with myself too. The fact that I am still writing about this is a reminder that it may take longer for me to come to peace with things and that I need to love myself and have patience with myself. It is OK to take as much time as I need to. I am in it for the long haul with myself. I am only doing the best that I can. Ha! HA!
There is a voice that just popped in that said, "You have wasted majority of your life with this shit Nicole." Yep. Just heard that. So what if I take my whole life with this...."VOICE?" HA! HA! HA! I will end the ramblings of the inward crazies....However, I just wanted to share what most are probably afraid to share. The crazy voices. The ones that wear us down. Welp, I just called it on it's shit! HOW DO YA LIKE ME NOW VOICES?!?!?!?!?! That just made me laugh and smile and broke up the crazy voice. Thank you! Anything to help myself is ok in my book! ;-)
Until next time...
This is where I put the things that the Divine wants me to share at this time. :-)
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